My Story
I was born into a deeply religious Christian family in Johannesburg, South Africa, during a time of enormous national change. As the country was transitioning out of Apartheid and into democracy, my own family held tightly to a long lineage of strict religious values. With generations of missionaries in central Africa, faith and conformity were woven into the fabric of our daily life.
From an early age, I knew I saw the world differently. I never felt like I belonged—either in my home or in society. In my family, love was something to be earned through perfection: perfect grades, perfect behaviour, perfect devotion. Doing was everything; simply being was never enough.
Although our home looked safe from the outside, inside it was emotionally unpredictable and often unsafe. Growing up with a narcissistic mother shaped me in ways I’m still untangling. I learned early on that crying was punished, emotions were mocked or shamed, and authenticity wasn’t allowed. I was told I was sinful, that I was going to hell, and that who I truly was needed to be hidden away. Physical punishment, emotional neglect, racism, and judgement were all normalised—yet none of it aligned with the compassionate Jesus I had read about.
So I adapted. I conformed. I went to church multiple times a week, performed academically, and hid my inner world while silently struggling with suicidal thoughts and emotional suppression. By high school, the environment became even more volatile, and my body began to speak the truth my voice couldn’t. I developed PCOS—my system frozen, unable to feel safe enough to function as it should.
Leaving home for university became my first act of liberation. I loved the freedom it gave me. But after graduating and returning to Johannesburg, the old patterns of control resurfaced. Eventually, I moved out again—this time far enough that I could begin rebuilding my life on my own terms.
My twenties were a mix of experimentation, distraction, and searching for myself after years of emotional confinement. And then, in 2016, I met Dirk. From our first date, we were inseparable. He challenged every belief I’d been raised with. He opened my eyes to empathy, spontaneity, adventure, spirituality, and the deeper truths of the world. He taught me how to see—really see—life outside the confines of fear, performance, and religious judgement.
In 2019, an unexplainable knowing began to form in me. A quiet voice repeated, “He’s leaving.” I brushed it off, and so did he, but my body didn’t. My neck seized into spasms; something within me knew a truth I could not name.
Two weeks later, Dirk died in a paragliding accident—a fall from the Drakensberg mountains that changed everything.
Friends who rushed to my side reminded me: “You’ve been saying this for months.”
And it was in the devastating aftermath of losing him that I realised the voice I had heard was my intuition. It was the first undeniable glimpse of the psychic abilities I carry.
Grief became my greatest teacher.
While others tried to place me in the role of victim, I found myself awakening—slowly, painfully, profoundly. Through journalling, meditation, Buddhist retreats, somatic work, and psychedelic-assisted introspection, I began understanding the soul contract between Dirk and me. He had awakened me to both the fragility and the sacredness of life. He showed me the duality we are all asked to hold: love and loss, joy and grief, life and death.
Those years of healing taught me that my pain was not a punishment—it was an initiation.
Today, I stand on the other side of that journey with a deep calling to guide others through their own awakening. My childhood trauma, my experience with CPTSD, my grief, and my spiritual gifts have all become part of my medicine. I now support others through:
- Trauma-informed counselling
- Somatic Experiencing
- Grief Guidance & Support
- Intuitive Tarot, Oracle cards, Crystal Healing and Sound Healing
- Energy Healing and Reiki
All helping me in guiding people back to the wisdom of their own inner voice.
Life has since blessed me with a loving husband, a beautiful stepson, and the opportunity to start anew in Vancouver, Canada. From here, I hope to be of service—to help others heal, release, remember who they truly are, and step into the New Earth we are collectively creating.
In service and gratitude,
Courtenay